i wonder if you know

how many nights i dream of you

how many times i pick up the phone

only to put it back down

again

the mornings i rise and think of you

knowing i can’t get through the day

without some kind of contact

taking what i can get and always

always

wanting more

how many sleepless nights

i hold in my hands

that tiny precious thing

that small thing that we share

that is ours

and wish you by my side

yes my love

there is a part of me that will always

always

be yours

i wonder if you know

that no matter where you go

or who your with

you will always

always

be loved?

will you hold me
not so sweet and gently
hold me hard
like you mean it
remove all doubt
about who the boss is here
be my strength
my rock
protect me
shelter me
teach me
as you take control
reveal my submission
wipe my tears
with the heal of your hand
kiss my mouth
like you want to devour me
devour me
like you want to own me
make me feel
like a wanted woman
make me feel
like i’m alive

After all this time
It lies there
Hidden still
But awake
And alive
I cannot beat it
Cannot cut it off
Or starve it out
Given only a little hope
It springs to life
And takes control
Like a child
It must be guided
Taught to nourish
Encourged to expand
And in all things
Do no harm

Why do you run
So far and so fast
I reach out
Take your hand
you linger
For a broken moment
Amoung the dead
and dying grass
Then run too fast
To far away
To see the tender
Of spring green
Pushing toward the sun
Your hand slips
And you vanish somewhere
Behind the garden wall
I am nothing to fear
I cry
Only here to love
Dear friend
Confused I wonder
If you fear your own heart
More than you ever
feared mine

The box had lain there
for months
It held everything
Every hate, love, trust and fear
It held it all safely
Securely
Some days it called
Others it mocked

Finally I had to open it
And pour everything out
Like wine it poured red
And you were with me
We opened it together
With hope, we began to sort
To pick up the pieces

But the pieces were broken
didn’t fit anymore
And I read every word
Then over again
Yet even between the lines
There was no room for me

I began to doubt
Why were you here
You had grown bored
With your toys
So many times before

I closed the box
cursing pandora
And watched you
wander away

as she spoke of mundane things
her eyes sparkled
and i watched them dance
bright, bright points of light
hypnotizing, mezmerizing
dancing in the pale gloaming
as though sunrise were upon us
instead of a dying day
dragging away my own eyes
sparing myself maybe
of falling in love again
i fell again
to her lips
each word spoken
a whisper in my ear
what she said
as i watched them move
is still unclear yet
even as they parted to breathe
i felt them on my skin
my own mouth hanging slack
wanting
needing
as i watched her speak
tasting each word

fruit forbidden
i was lost
so incredibly lost
when finally i returned from
where i had gone

‘what are you thinking’ she said
i could only offer a shrug and a smile
answering, ‘wondering what to do next’

i am broken

by the things i’ve made

run from me

if you can

cause i’ll love you

and then it will be

too late

too late

lighting will crash

hands already burned

where they

touched you last

your will to

tremble and shake

hold on

i’m in love

lust

love

longing

absolute

find a way through life

live your fullest and laugh out loud

a piece of her here
a piece of her there
love oh love she does
both one and the other
blinded by grace
to hurt no one
how long will her heart
be torn thus
one way
and the other
when will she find joy
in greaving one
and loving the other

Happy Birthday Cat!